January | 2019 | XO, Sammy Jo

As we approach the new year, I always find myself reflecting back on how the past year went and starting to create my goals and dreams for the new year. It always sounds very cliché with the “New Year, New Me” and “12 chapters, 365 pages” sayings but it’s all so very true.

For 2019, my goal is to simply fall back in love with myself, the world, and life again. That isn’t to say I’ve had a bad year or that I am unhappy. I had some extremely fun times this year- traveling to Nashville to visit my college BFF, going to NYC for St. Patty’s Day, gambling in Vegas, literally running into Sal from Impractical Jokers, teaching Baby Jack how to perfect the duck face, reuniting with my Mercyhurst Crew to boomerang chameleons, and most importantly, being home to watch my brother and sister through their senior year of high school. However as I reflect back on this year, some parts felt very stagnate and ordinary. For some people, an ordinary life is exactly what they want, but for me, I don’t want ordinary. I want extraordinary. I want adventures, spontaneity, and to live rather than to exist.

Not only have I been transitioning into this “new” life back at home again with starting a new job, going back to school, and living the country life; but I’ve also had to deal with some real-life things recently too. I suffer from anxiety. There are nights I wake up out of dead sleep with panic and tightness in my chest, or I have to leave a store because the crowd of people is just too much for me to handle. With anxiety also comes stress. I over-stress every little thing. It’s not something I can really control; it’s just in my nature. But this has also started to take a toxic effect on my body. This is a lot for me to share, but due to over-stress and anxiety, I’ve been losing my hair. As a girl, I really cherish my hair, it’s a part of who I am, and it’s a super scary thing that’s happening. There’s really no “cure” for this except to learn how to remove the stressors from my life, but how? I’m a person who wants to fix everybody and everything. I have a tendency to take on too much. And for the new year, I think fixing myself needs to be my main priority which is why I choose to fall in love with myself, the world, and life again. I am not God. I can’t fix everything no matter how hard I try or how much I want to, and I’m losing myself (and my hair) in the process.

So for 2019, I think my goal is simple- to live. This year I want to live life on my own terms, putting myself first, which is something I rarely do. This year I vow to travel. I want to experience different cities, different cultures, new museums, and live shows. I hope to visit at least one new city in the U.S., preferably somewhere in California. I want to see the Hollywood sign, walk Rodeo Drive, and sunbath on Venice Beach. I hope to travel to one foreign country- starting with London because I’m obsessed with their accent, all things Harry Potter & Spice Girls, the red telephone booths, and because my favorite shoe designer (Emmy London) lives there OR Ireland because again, their accents!, the greenery and sheep, and I need to visit a real Irish-pub. I want to parasail in Miami, swim with pigs in the Bahamas, and race an exotic car in Vegas. I want Coronas at Coconut Joe’s and Rum buckets at Angee’s. This year I vow to start a hobby to help with my stress and anxiety whether it be kickboxing to punch out all the bad stuff or yoga to relax and free the mind. I vow to drive with the windows down in the summer and my music blasting, spend Sundays reading my favorite books or binge watching Lifetime movies, and this year I vow to stop waiting for the weekend and to enjoy every single day even if it is just another Manic Monday. This year I vow to say yes to adventures and new opportunities. This year I vow to design a life I love.